This is a part 2 of another article I wrote recently, so feel free to read for more insights on empathy.
To feel and display empathy towards others is when we attempt to better understand what the other person is going through by viewing it from their perspective. We do this either through cognitive, emotional and/or compassionate empathy (according to psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman).
Everyone loves to be respected and liked, that’s what empathy does.
As much as technology makes life easier, it tends to disrupt relationships. For example social media is filled with trolls treating others unkindly for their own amusement. That behavior is spilling into real life and this is causing the conversation around empathy and values to amplify.
Empathy means does not mean indulging in emotional drama. It is a gateway to emotional intelligence which is a gateway to relationship building. When teams have good relationships and understanding, more efforts can be directed towards coaching, guidance and decision – making based on the guidance given. Everything is more harmonious when empathy is applied. Empathy makes leaders likeable and resourceful. It also promotes better performance. To promote empathy is to promote respect; everyone loves to be respected.
1. Building cognitive empathy
Cognitive empathy is about making educated guesses. For instance, when giving feedback to employees some people may smile as negative feedback is being given. Smiling typically means joy or happiness but it can also be used to conceal sadness. Knowing someone’s personality really helps us better understand how they perceive our actions in relation to theirs.
Hence to build cognitive we must:
a) Be mindful of our biases. Not all smiles mean joy, they could be concealing sadness.
b) Be willing to know more and adjust accordingly. What are their coping mechanisms
c) Consider both verbal and non-verbal cues
If we take things at face value, we are likely to assume the worst quickly, judge incorrectly and act wrongly.
2. Building emotional empathy
Here we aim to form a deeper connection with others by sharing their feelings. We listen to what they are sharing and reflect on our experiences. We ask ourselves, ”Have I ever felt this way?”We form a one to one connection based on shared experiences and understanding of their personal struggle, how and why they feel.
Things to avoid:
a) Giving judgments,
b) Proposing solutions,
c) Interrupting to share our experience.
We want to get an understanding of their emotional state at that moment and find a way to relate in an effort to bond with the affected.
3. Exercising passionate empathy
For the problem solvers, this is where to thrive. We can empathetically ask what to do in order to help the situation at hand.
What to do:
a) Present ideas as options rather than absolute solutions,
b) Present options based on personal successes, failures and lessons learnt from others,
c) Remember our options may not completely work for others. We try to help as best as we can compassionately.
Should we use all three or one at a time and which one?
Engaging all the types is the recipe for better relations, says Goleman himself. The ability to foster each one can strengthen or weaken both professional and personal relationships.